parenting

Why You Should Play Video Games With Your Kids

By Parenting Quotient
Oct 29, 2025 20 min read

I’ll be honest with you—I used to be that parent. The one peeking over my kid’s shoulder with a mix of confusion and concern, wondering what on earth was so captivating about jumping on digital mushrooms or building pixelated houses. Gaming felt like this mysterious black box I couldn’t quite understand, and that made me nervous.

But here’s the thing: my perspective completely shifted the day I actually sat down and played.

My daughter had been begging me for weeks to try Minecraft with her. I finally caved one rainy Saturday afternoon, expecting to humor her for ten minutes before making an excuse to fold laundry. Three hours later, we were still there—me asking a million questions, her patiently explaining crafting recipes and mob behavior like a tiny professor.

And you know what? I got it. I finally understood why she’d choose this over TV any day of the week.

That experience taught me something crucial: we can’t guide our kids through something we refuse to understand. And right now, gaming is a massive part of their world whether we like it or not.

parent and child gaming together

Why You Actually Need To Care About This

Gaming isn’t some weird niche thing anymore. It’s how kids exist now. Your kid’s generation socializes through games the same way we socialized through phone calls and hanging out at the mall. When they’re gaming with friends, they’re not just mashing buttons—they’re actually talking, collaborating, joking around, building friendships.

If we refuse to understand that world, we’re basically telling them a huge part of their life doesn’t matter to us. We become those parents who “just don’t get it”—the ones they stop talking to about anything important.

And here’s the part that should worry you: when we’ve already decided gaming is garbage, why would they tell us when something actually goes wrong? If you’ve spent months rolling your eyes at their “stupid games,” they’re not going to come running when some creep starts messaging them or when they’re getting bullied in an online chat.

They’ll just deal with it alone. Or worse, not deal with it at all.

What No One Tells You About Gaming (The Good Stuff)

Look, I’m not here to tell you video games are perfect or that we should let kids play twelve hours a day. But the research might surprise you. When I actually dug into it (instead of just reading scary headlines), I learned some things that completely changed my perspective.

Games Actually Teach Real Skills (No, Really)

My son’s problem-solving with homework got noticeably better after he spent a few weeks obsessed with Portal and other puzzle games. He started trying different approaches instead of immediately giving up when something was hard.

And when I actually paid attention to what he was doing in games, I realized it wasn’t just mindless button mashing. He’s analyzing patterns, making strategic decisions, managing resources, planning three steps ahead, adapting when his strategy fails. That’s… actually pretty complex thinking. This kind of strategic play and problem-solving is fundamental to child development.

They Build Real Resilience

Games are basically structured failure. You die, you try again. You lose, you strategize differently. That “one more try” mentality? That’s grit in action.

In real life, failure can feel devastating. In games, it’s just part of the process. Kids learn to see failure as feedback, not as a reflection of their worth. That’s a life skill that translates way beyond the screen.

The Online Friends Thing Is… Actually Real?

I used to do this internal eye-roll when my kids talked about their “online friends.” Like, those aren’t real friends, right? They’re just random internet people.

But then I actually watched them play together on a team challenge. They were communicating, strategizing, encouraging each other when someone messed up, celebrating wins together. It looked exactly like… well, like a soccer team. Or a drama club rehearsal.

The friendships are real. The trust they’re building, the teamwork, the inside jokes, the way they support each other—it’s not less legitimate just because it happens through a headset instead of face-to-face.

And here’s something I didn’t expect: for kids who struggle in traditional social settings—the shy ones, the neurodivergent kids, the ones who just don’t fit typical social molds—gaming can be a lifeline. It’s a place where they can connect without the pressure of eye contact and body language and all the unspoken social rules that trip them up in person. Where their skills matter more than whether they’re good at small talk.

The Scary Stuff (Because It Exists)

I’d be lying if I said I don’t worry. Of course I do. The internet can be a weird place, and not everyone online has good intentions. So let’s talk about the real concerns, not the overblown panic-inducing ones.

Online Safety: Yeah, Creeps Exist

I do make it a point to know who my kids are playing with online. Not in a helicopter-hovering-reading-every-message way, but in a “I care about your life and the people in it” way.

Here’s what’s actually worked for us:

We use parental controls to turn off chat with strangers in games that aren’t age-appropriate. It’s literally a toggle in the settings. Takes 30 seconds.

I’ve told my kids repeatedly: if something weird happens online—someone asks personal questions, says something inappropriate, makes you uncomfortable—you can tell me without losing your gaming privileges. This is important. If they think one creepy interaction means I’m taking away their whole social life, they’ll just hide it.

Younger kids game in common areas where I can casually see what’s happening. Not hovering, not watching every second, just… around.

We’ve talked about what info is okay to share (game strategies, tips, funny stories) and what’s absolutely not (real names, addresses, what school they go to, when parents aren’t home).

That trust is everything. If they don’t believe they can come to me with problems without me freaking out and banning all gaming forever, they just won’t tell me when something goes wrong.

The “Addiction” Panic vs. Real Warning Signs

Here’s something I wish I’d understood earlier: when kids retreat too deeply into games, gaming usually isn’t the problem. It’s the symptom.

Think about it—if your kid feels like a failure at school, or they’re getting bullied, or they’re anxious about something they can’t put into words, where are they going to go? To the place where they DO feel successful. Where they DO have friends. Where they DO have control.

The game becomes their escape because everything else feels broken.

So instead of just taking away their escape hatch (which solves nothing), I try to fix the other stuff:

Get them outside more, even if it’s just walks around the block where we can talk. When weather keeps you indoors, indoor play activities can provide the stimulation and engagement kids need.

Help them find other things they’re good at. Piano, cooking, building stuff, whatever clicks.

More family time doing non-screen stuff—board games, hikes, whatever gets us actually connecting. These screen-free family activities can strengthen bonds in ways that digital interactions simply can’t replicate.

Actually ask about school and friends, not just “how was school?” (which always gets “fine” as an answer) but specific questions that require real answers.

It’s about balance, not bans. And it’s about figuring out what need the gaming is filling and making sure that need gets met in other ways too.

Those Sneaky Spending Tricks

Some games are designed to manipulate kids into spending money—fake countdown timers for “limited time offers,” currency systems that disguise real costs, loot boxes that work like gambling mechanics.

I’ve started pointing these out to my kids when I see them. “Hey, notice how they’re trying to make you feel rushed? That’s a sales tactic.” We talk about why games use these tricks and how to recognize them.

It’s turned into a useful life skill that goes way beyond gaming. Now they spot manipulative advertising everywhere.

Practical steps:

Disable in-app purchases if possible
Use gift cards instead of linked credit cards
Set spending limits and talk about them openly
Teach them to wait 24 hours before any digital purchase

Some Gaming Communities Are Absolute Garbage

Not gonna sugarcoat this one—some gaming spaces are genuinely toxic. Bullying, racism, misogyny, homophobia, the whole disgusting menu. Some games have communities that are actively harmful to be around.

So I do my homework before letting my kids into a new game. Quick Google search, check parent forums, read reviews that mention community behavior, ask other parents. Five minutes of research can save a lot of headaches.

We’ve also established some non-negotiable rules:

You don’t have to stay in a game where people are being jerks. Full stop. Walk away.

Mute and block buttons exist for a reason. Use them freely.

If someone says something that makes you uncomfortable or crosses a line, tell me. We’ll figure it out together.

We treat people online with the same respect we’d show them in person. But we don’t put up with disrespect just because “that’s how online gaming is.”

Gaming should be fun. The second it becomes a place where they’re getting torn down or exposed to vile behavior, we’re done with that particular game. There are thousands of other options.

“But What About All The Violence?”

Every single parent meetup, someone asks this. Usually in a worried whisper, like we’re discussing something truly dark.

Here’s what actually surprised me when I looked into it: the research doesn’t support the panic. A big 2020 Oxford study looked at thousands of people and found basically no connection between playing violent games and being aggressive in real life.

Which doesn’t mean I let my eight-year-old play Grand Theft Auto. Come on.

Here’s my actual approach:

Age ratings exist for a reason. Use them. A twelve-year-old and a seventeen-year-old are in completely different developmental places. What’s fine for one is not fine for the other.

I also pay attention to how MY specific kids react to different content. Some kids can handle intense games without it affecting them at all. Other kids have nightmares or get anxious. The rating is a guideline, but I know my kids better than some rating board.

And we actually talk about it. “Hey, this game has some pretty brutal violence. You get that this is completely fantasy, right? How does playing it make you feel?” Those conversations tell me way more than any rating system could.

Common Pitfalls and How to Avoid Them

Lumping All Screen Time Together

An hour of Minecraft where they’re building complex structures and problem-solving is not the same as an hour of zombie-scrolling TikTok. An hour of coordinating with teammates in a multiplayer game is not the same as vegging out watching TV.

But a lot of parents treat all screen time like it’s equally bad. It’s not. Understanding the difference between types of screen time is crucial for creating healthy digital habits at home.

What actually makes sense: Pay attention to what they’re actually DOING, not just that they’re on a screen. Are they engaged? Thinking? Talking to friends? Creating something? Or are they zoned out with dead eyes looking increasingly irritated?

The “One Hour Per Day” Trap

“You get one hour of gaming per day, no exceptions!” Sounds reasonable and structured, right?

Except… it’s Tuesday night, they have a math test tomorrow, homework isn’t done, and bedtime is in an hour. Should they still get that gaming hour?

Or it’s Saturday afternoon in the middle of summer break, they’ve been outside all morning, and their friends are online wanting to play together. Should they still be limited to one hour?

Context matters. A lot.

What works better: Teach them to self-regulate instead of just imposing arbitrary rules. Help them notice when they’ve been playing too long. “You’ve died on that level five times and you’re getting really frustrated. Maybe take a break and come back fresh?”

Making Gaming Only A Battle

If every interaction about gaming is a fight—“stop playing,” “not yet,” “five more minutes,” “I SAID STOP”—then you become the enemy. You’re just the person who takes away the fun. That’s your whole role in their gaming life. This approach often stems from common parenting mistakes that can strain relationships instead of building understanding.

What completely changed this for us: I started actually playing with them sometimes. Not every day, not even every week, but occasionally. Enough that I went from “person who doesn’t understand and just says no” to “person who gets it and has reasonable boundaries.”

The dynamic shifted entirely. Now when I say it’s time to wrap up, they actually listen because they know I’m not dismissing something I think is stupid.

Ignoring Your Gut Because “All The Other Kids Play It”

Sometimes a game just doesn’t sit right with you, even if your kid insists everyone else plays it. Or they’re spending way more time gaming than feels healthy. Or the way they talk after playing certain games concerns you.

Here’s the thing: You know your kid better than anyone else. You don’t need other parents’ permission to set different boundaries. “I know your friends all play this, but I’ve looked into it and I’m not comfortable with it yet. Here’s why…” That’s a complete sentence.

Just Letting Them Download Whatever

Letting kids download any game that looks interesting without checking it out first is like dropping them off at a party at a house you’ve never been to with people you’ve never met. Would you do that? No? Then don’t do the gaming equivalent.

What takes 10 minutes and saves headaches: Quick Google search. Check Common Sense Media reviews. Skim some parent forums. Watch a gameplay video on YouTube. Check what the community is known for. Then make an informed decision.

The Screen Time Question (That Nobody Can Actually Answer)

“But how much screen time is too much?”

If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me this… I still wouldn’t know the answer. Because honestly? There’s no magic number. Every kid is different. Every family is different. Every Tuesday is different from every Saturday.

What I’ve figured out through trial and error:

The real goal isn’t hitting some specific number of minutes. It’s teaching kids to recognize when they need to stop. When fun has become frustration. When they’ve been sitting so long they’re getting headaches. When they’re avoiding stuff they need to do.

So I point it out when I see it. “Hey, you’ve died on that same boss five times and you’re starting to look really frustrated. Want to take a break and try fresh later?”

Or sometimes I frame it as strategy instead of a limit: “A quick walk might actually help you beat that level. Your brain works better when you move around.” Works way better than “you’ve been playing too long” because it’s not a punishment—it’s tactics.

Our very imperfect, constantly-adjusting approach:

Tuesday night with homework undone and a test tomorrow: gaming can wait
Saturday after they’ve been outside and done their chores: play as long as you want, honestly
Summer break: way more relaxed, within reason

This flexible approach mirrors the principles of achieving work-life balance - recognizing that context matters more than rigid rules.

Playing online with friends: that counts as social time, not just screen time
Grinding the same level solo for two hours while getting increasingly angry: that’s when I step in

If You’re Starting From Zero (A Guide For The Completely Lost)

If you’re reading this thinking “okay, maybe I should understand this better, but I literally have no idea where to even start,” I get it. I was there. Here’s what actually helped me.

Find Your People (Other Confused Parents)

Other parents have already stumbled through figuring this out. Find them. Online parent forums are goldmines for discovering which games are actually age-appropriate, which ones are wallet-draining scams, and which ones have surprisingly decent communities.

Common Sense Media is your best friend. Real parent reviews from people who’ve actually watched their kids play. Real kid reviews. Actual details about content. It’s free. Use it.

Actually Learn The Parental Controls (I Know, Boring, But Do It)

Every gaming system—Xbox, PlayStation, Nintendo Switch, whatever—has parental controls. So do most individual games. And most parents never touch them because it seems complicated.

It’s not. It takes maybe 20 minutes to set up, and you can:

Turn off in-app purchases (do this NOW)
Control who they can chat with
See what they’re actually playing and for how long
Set automatic time limits
Block age-inappropriate content

Twenty minutes. That’s it. And then you can stop worrying about half the stuff that keeps you up at night.

Sit Through That First Hour With Them

This changed everything for me. When my kids want to try a new game, I sit with them for at least the first hour of gameplay. Not hovering, not interrogating, just… there. Watching. Asking questions.

And it tells me SO much:

What the actual content is (not what the description says, what it ACTUALLY is)
How my specific kid responds to it (excited? anxious? obsessed?)
What the online community seems like (friendly? toxic?)
Whether there are sneaky money-grabbing mechanics
If I’m okay with them playing this unsupervised

Plus, it tells them I care enough about their interests to actually pay attention. That matters more than you’d think.

Let Them Be The Expert For Once

This is maybe the most important thing on this whole list. When you play with them, let THEM teach YOU. Ask questions like you genuinely want to learn (because you do).

“Wait, how did you know to do that?” “What’s your strategy for this part?” “Why is everyone obsessed with getting this particular weapon?”

Think about how much of your kid’s life is spent being told what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and why they did it wrong. They’re always the student, never the teacher.

Flipping that? Letting them be the knowledgeable one? That builds confidence in ways nothing else can. And it changes your relationship.

The Thing I Wish Someone Had Told Me Earlier

Here’s what I didn’t understand until I actually did this: when you engage with your kid’s gaming world, you’re not just “managing their hobby.” You’re opening a door to a huge part of their life—their interests, their frustrations, their friend drama, everything.

My son used to get so defensive when I’d tell him to stop playing:

“Time to stop.” “But I’m IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!” “You’re ALWAYS in the middle of something.” “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

And… he was right. I didn’t understand. I had no idea what he was in the middle of or why it mattered. So why would he listen to someone who clearly didn’t get it?

Now when I say “Hey, you’ve had a solid session, time to wrap it up,” he actually listens. Not every time (let’s be realistic), but most of the time.

Why? Because he knows I understand. I’ve played Minecraft with him. I know what “I need to finish this quest” actually means. I’m not dismissing something important to him as a stupid waste of time.

And that shift changed everything between us:

He actually tells me about his gaming achievements now. Not just “I won,” but real details. And I can understand and celebrate with him instead of just nodding blankly.

When something frustrating happens in a game, he explains it to me and I can actually empathize instead of just saying “that’s too bad.”

Sometimes—and this still blows my mind—he asks for my advice on strategy. My advice! About gaming!

When I do set boundaries, he trusts that I have real reasons based on actual understanding, not just arbitrary “because I said so” rules.

We have a genuine shared interest now. Something we can talk about that matters to him.

The Stuff You Actually Need To Remember

You can’t manage what you don’t understand: Refusing to learn about gaming doesn’t protect your kids. It just makes you irrelevant to that part of their life.
One hour of playing > 100 hours of worrying: Seriously. Sit down and play with them once. You’ll learn more in 60 minutes than months of anxiety.
Screen time isn’t all the same: Building in Minecraft ≠ scrolling TikTok. Pay attention to what they’re actually doing, not just that they’re on a screen.
These skills actually transfer: The problem-solving, resilience, and teamwork they’re learning? Those work in real life too. This aligns perfectly with what we know about early brain development and how children learn through interactive experiences.
Safety is a conversation, not a lecture: One “don’t talk to strangers” talk won’t cut it. Keep talking. Keep building trust.
“Addiction” usually means something else is wrong: If they’re escaping too deeply into games, figure out what they’re escaping FROM.
Trust your gut, not other parents: Age ratings are guidelines. You know your kid. What works for their friend might not work for them.
Self-regulation beats arbitrary rules: Teach them to notice when they need a break, not just when the timer dings.
Research before downloading: Ten minutes on Google can save you weeks of regret. Check the community, the monetization, the content.
Let them be the teacher sometimes: When your kid gets to be the expert, magic happens. For both of you.

Look, Here’s The Bottom Line

Gaming isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. I’m not going to pretend it is. There ARE predators online. There ARE games designed to manipulate kids into spending money. There ARE toxic communities that spew garbage. Figuring out screen time balance IS genuinely hard.

But you know what I’ve learned? The biggest risk isn’t actually the games.

It’s what happens when we refuse to engage with something that’s this important to our kids.

When we dismiss gaming as a complete waste of time, when we only see problems and never benefits, when we make rules about stuff we don’t understand—we’re telling our kids we don’t care about a huge part of their world.

And then when something does go wrong—when some creep starts messaging them, when they’re getting bullied in a game chat, when they’ve accidentally spent $200 on loot boxes, when they’re using games to avoid real problems—they don’t come to us.

Why would they? We’ve already made it crystal clear we think the whole thing is stupid and they’re wasting their time.

So they deal with it alone. Or they don’t deal with it at all.

Here’s what I want you to do this week:

Spend one hour—just one—in your kid’s gaming world. Not lecturing, not setting rules, not warning them about dangers. Just… being there.

Ask them to show you their favorite game. Let them teach you. Ask real questions because you’re actually curious:

“What makes this game so fun for you?” “What are you working toward right now?” “Who are you usually playing with?” “What’s the most exciting part?”

You don’t have to become a gamer. You don’t have to love it or even like it. You just have to show up and actually pay attention to something that matters to them.

Because here’s what I discovered after three hours of Minecraft with my daughter: the game itself? Kind of fun, actually. But what really mattered was that I cared enough to try. That I was willing to be completely incompetent at something she was amazing at. That I entered her world instead of just demanding she spend all her time in mine.

That one afternoon changed our relationship more than any parenting book or strategy ever did. It reminded me that building strong parent-child bonds often happens in the most unexpected moments when we’re genuinely engaged with our children’s interests.

So yeah. Grab a controller. Let your kid be the teacher. Ask questions like you actually want to know the answers (because you do). You might discover that the digital world they’re obsessed with is actually kind of interesting.

You might even—and I know this sounds wild—have fun.

And as a bonus: I can now identify every type of pickaxe and explain exactly why diamonds are the holy grail of Minecraft. My daughter finds this absolutely hilarious. But more importantly, she knows I care about what matters to her.

And honestly? That’s the whole point of all of this.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a Creeper farm to finish building. (Don’t worry if you don’t know what that means. Six months ago, neither did I.)

happy family gaming